Tag Archives: Love

The One: Fact, Fiction, or Faith

Since it’s wedding season, I thought I would weigh in on a very controversial topic within the Christian community ( ok, I’m kidding- but only a little).

 
I believe in “the one”. Go ahead call me crazy, say there is no such thing as “the one”. It’s not a mature concept. Who the heck raised you? Don’t you know believing this is detrimental to your future… Yada yada yada. Heck, I was raised in a church that believed it was a myth, and yet I believe that God creates people who complement us. If we are all unique, and He knows our names before we are even growing in the womb ( Jeremiah 1:5) then could He not create someone who is meant to be our partner in this world?

 
” For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” ( Jeremiah 29:11 ESV).

 
The arguments AGAINST “the one” are as followed:

 
– He only becomes “the one” when you marry him.
– The myth leads to unrealistically high expectations, and we overlook the great guys who are standing right in front of us ( side note: Here is a great article about ideals and expectations. Surprisingly enough, the only physical attribute that was ever on my list was I wanted a guy that was taller than me – still do in fact ).
– It allows us to assume we have no responsibility in finding and choosing our future spouse which enables us to be an inactive participant in this journey.
– The real search is not romantic enough for our Disney loving hearts, so we latched on to the fantasy because it feeds our little girl ideal of Prince Charming ( but I wrote about my opinion on that Here ).
– And lastly, by assuming there is “the one” (which is not a biblical concept BTW), we will be disappointed when we think we find them and he or she is not perfect. Allowing us to feel ok about the fact our marriage fell apart because OBVIOUSLY that was not “the one” ( sarcasm intended).

 
( For an article about why I’m crazy, check out Boundless.com. Hay, I’m all about freedom of speech, so I have to present the other side right?).

 
Did I cover all the reasons people will call me crazy? Probably not, but I got most of them – I think.

 
Here’s what I believe:

 
We limit God’s greatness by denying His sovereignty over our love life. I don’t believe in “the one” per say, I believe in ” the right one”. If God has a plan for my life, then It seems likely He has ideal match in mind for my future spouse. If this is the case, is that not the proverbial “one”?

 
I believe this anti soul mate mentality has sprung from fear. We are all free to choose, and considering the shacking up and divorce rates among Christians, we have chosen badly. Because of this fear, they say there is no such thing as “the one”. This opinion gives the green light to settle instead of waiting on God’s timing, and diminishes Gods guidance in our decisions. I do not mean you should be an inactive participant in the search. Just not desperate. Desperation leads to all sorts of trouble.

 
We all make choices, and sometimes choose poorly, but don’t blame God for that. He can bring beauty from the ashes. Just don’t limit Gods power and grace simply because you’re afraid that you made ( or will make ) a bad choice. In church we ask teenagers to pray for their future spouse, yet then we tell them there is no one person “meant” for them. I was told there could be tons of men that would work for me (Waite, you mean I’m praying for like ten thousand dudes? That just seems strange to me).

 
I will never convince the theologians, Focus on the Family, or Boundless to believe in “the one”, but let me ask them this; why is it so detrimental to my life to believe that God controls my path and will guide me to the man he wants me to marry? They preach this about every other aspect of my life, so why exclude my future spouse in God’s plan and timing?

 
“If you believe in a God who controls the big things, you have to believe in a God who controls the little things” – Elisabeth Elliot, Missionary Pioneer. I don’t think entering into marriage is a little thing, so I trust God in all things – even my desire for marriage.

 
“It is not every man’s fate to marry the woman who loves him best” Jane Austen’s Emma. However, should that not be our desire? To marry those who would love us best, and who we would love best in return?

 
Maybe I am in the minority of those who believe in “the one”, but I don’t expect the man I am meant to be with to be perfect. It seems to me I have yet to meet a perfect person on this planet, so why would I be waiting for this perfect specimen of male godliness. Also, I don’t expect him to magically appear, or worship the very ground I walk on ( that would be creepy).
Basically my ideal guy is a not-so-perfect Christian guy walking in faith, who at the very least tolerates my love of Disneyland, is ok with my artsy tendencies ( poor man that is a lot to put up with), wants a family (and all the messy craziness that comes with it), is loyal, respectful, honest, taller than me, good hygiene, expert spider killer ( somewhat negotiable), and likes dogs (non negotiable).

 
I don’t believe I have unrealistic expectations, or a Disney princess view on love ( though I do love me some Disney movies as you can see). I believe I was meant for someone. You could call him the one, my soul mate, the right one, or whatever you want. I have the freedom to choose him when he crosses my path, and I have the freedom to walk away ( which is a little scary). The point is, God will present the best option to me. I just have to choose it. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” Proverbs 16:9 ESV.
If nothing else my Dad said Billy Graham believes in “The One”. So, there you go – Billy Graham said so ( Side Note: This is not a researched fact, but my Dad’s never wrong, sooo… no reason to question – right? )

 
What do you believe? Am I completely crazy, or is everyone else?

 

Personally, the second option is my favorite.

Father’s Day

As this father’s day weekend comes to a close, I am reminded how grateful I am that God gave me into the care of my dad. He is not a perfect man, and he would be the first to tell you he has made many mistakes in his life ( never doubt a home-schooled kid when she tells you that little leaf is poison oak), but he loves unconditionally ( and is always willing to come save the day, or night, when a stupid teenager locks her keys in the car at 11pm 30 minutes away; Even when he has to get up at 4am in the morning).

 
Having a present and loving dad is something I will never take for granted. He never talked down to me as a kid. He was ( and is) understanding and comforting even if he didn’t quite know why I was upset. He would try out any concoctions I mixed up. Most of them being just a blend of all the hot sauces in the house, but I think the experimentation led to my love of cooking – so it kind of worked out for him in the end. He taught me how to play guitar, and encouraging my artistic tendencies. We had long conversations together (still do), but most importantly, he shared his love of Christ, and allowed me to find my own personal relationship with Him. Both my parents always encouraged me to question and to read everything I could get my hands on, and because of that, my faith has always been my own and not reliant on others.

 
All of the best moments in my life involve both my parents. I am so grateful for the unified front, and the time they spent with me.

 
This father’s day weekend I hope you were able to thank the father figures in your life, and even if your father ( or sperm donor if you so desire) was not the epitome of paternal love, show gratitude to the fatherly figures around you. They might have been a stand-in for your own un-fatherly figure, or they are simply great dads to their own kids/ grand kids/ nieces/ nephews…

 
Lets here it for the real Dads, you know who you are, and I salute you one and all.

 
And from a very grateful daughter who had the privilege of knowing not only her own dad, but his father as well (aka Grandpa) – Happy Father’s Day Dad

 
I hope you like the gift – I tried 🙂
Love
Hannah Marie

A Knight in Tattered Armor

Ok, I know this is a long post, but it has been on my heart to write about this topic for a while. Bare with me.

 
Many Christian women blog about picking the servant not the prince, and in essence I agree, but I believe that’s one dimensional thinking. Being a servant is only a part of what God calls us to be. The servant imagery is too simplistic an example of real godly manhood (or womanhood for that matter). I propose a new category. Instead of the prince, the servant, or even a knight in shining armor, how about the knight in tattered armor?

 
Maybe it’s because I ‘m older and have a better understanding of what it takes to live in this world – but I don’t want prince charming or merely the servant. I seek the battle worn knight. His mettle has been tested, and he may or may not be the victor, but he is still standing ready to fight again if he must. I am not talking about the biggest, brawniest, bravest man in the kingdom ( or city ). I am talking about the man who acts in spite of his fear, stands up for what he believes in, and is obedient to his God. This man comes in many shapes and forms. It’s the quite confidence of a geek, assertion of a jock, strength of a soldier, wisdom of a doctor, the knowledge of a mechanic, or imagination of an artist. The list goes on and on.

 
None of these men are the same, yet they all hold similar qualities. He honors his family and his God in how he lives his life. Standing in truth, unafraid of commitment, seeks justice, loves mercy, has a servants heart, a warrior spirit, can admit when he is wrong, and walks only with his God . This Man knows it says more in how he fails than how he succeeds. I once heard a saying ( I have no idea where it came from), Meekness is not weakness it is simply strength restrained. So for the quite men out there, I mean you too. Not every knight is outspoken, or the man you notice first.

 
Knights in shining armor and princes are simply boys, and a servant ( at least in my mind) has a suggestion of forced servitude. That’s why I like the analogy of the knight in tattered armor; Especially, when it comes to looking for an ideal mate. I am not looking for my other half, I am looking for my compliment. We are better together than apart. We are a unified front. This is the man I want by my side in the world. It is inevitable we will encounter strife and hardship, and a man who has been tested and come through the wilderness sane, is the man I want by my side.

 
In truth both man and woman are sinners, so I think it is accurate to seek someone a little tattered. Frankly if you are “perfect” I’m going to think you are hiding something. Perfection is overrated and fades. And guys, Lord help you if you do not keep a weathered eye out for the women who is seeking this man, for she will be your helpmate and bless your life.

 
At this point I must put a warning label around the title Knight in Tattered Armor. There is a difference between the battle worn analogy and someone who is truly wounded or cruel. So, this is who I am NOT talking about; I am not talking about the guy who verbally ( or physically) wounds you, the guy who ignores you to play video games, the guy who insists upon his own comfort over everyone else, who can only have fun if he drinks, who can talk the talk, but not walk the walk ( I’m talking about his faith here), or a guy who claims to be smarter than you and everyone around him ( unfortunately, this list could go on and on too). A man who is not seeking the fruit of the Spirit ( which is found Galatians 5:22-23 ” But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” ) is not a knight in tattered armor. He is playing dress-up with tin foil. Look for real metal ( and mettle) underneath, and avoid the posers and users who use their hard times as reasons to be jerks. Especially, if they start blaming everyone else for their current woes. For example, if a man ( or women) starts a sentence/ apology ( if you can call it that) with “I wasn’t like this before ( insert blamed person’s name/ terrible thing that happened to them here)”, run – run for your life.

 
So, what do you think? Are you still looking for prince charming, the knight in shining armor, or the servant? Or do you seek the embodiment of a warrior servant, the knight in tattered armor? Let me know in the comments section below.

 
Ps. As I was writing this I somehow turned into a poet and I didn’t know it!

 
The right guy comes in many shapes and forms
He may be a bit tattered and worn
Even under the roughness you can see
A man of worth stands in front of thee
What more can a woman of God desire
Than a man seeking Gods own heart
By her side, willing to face the fire.

Love Is a Choice

There was a picture from someone’s mom circulating around the internet a little while back. It said:

“You’re going to fall in love so many times before you find the one you’ll be with forever. So think of it this way; you’re one heartbreak closer to happy ever after”.

What a bunch of crap – right! So, being the shrinking violet that I am – I left a comment.

” Or perhaps you should not give your heart so easily, and then you will have less heartache and scars effecting the relationship with the one you are meant to be with”.

Well that got a reaction. The women who responded to my comment was not pleased with my perspective – hence sarcasm ensued ( which I have to admit I loved. It totally cracked me up) she said:

“Why didn’t I think of this” before ” Of COURSE I should know better than to fall in love. because giving your heart to someone is always an intentional, willful choice!”

I think she missed the point of what I said ( or maybe she didn’t, and chose to respond like that – whatever floats your boat). That is why I am choosing to clarify here.

I am explicitly saying LOVE IS A CHOICE.Da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ( nod to The Croods). The truth is we choose to love people who complement us, or people who add drama to our lives. We have free will, and if you believe we don’t choose to love people then you are in essence saying we have no free will ( and wouldn’t that just suck). I mean come on, you choose to love that annoying friend that can’t be trusted, and the ass who keeps breaking your heart. We allow people to come into our lives who we know are not good for us ( not just in dating relationships ), and for whatever reason ( I can fix then, their not that bad, I see the good in them deep deep deep down, they just need someone to love them… ect. ect.ect.) we allow them to stay in our sphere.By saying that you have no choice in falling in love, you are saying I have no choice in who I allow to influence my life. That is the idea of a child not an adult.
I like the verse Proverbs 4:23 especially the New Living Translation
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” there is only one man who was every worthy of determining the course of my life, and he died on a cross for me ( and you) a while back and arose again after three day ( He’s alive, He’s alive, thank God he’s alive). There is always a choice. Don’t give up your God given freedom because you simply don’t want to make a choice, and please for your sake ( and your poor bedraggled best friends out there) choose wisely. Don’t fall for the I’ll be better shtick. If ( and that’s a big if) he (or she, this applies to you too guys) can get better with you then he can get better without you, and if he can’t get better without you then he is not a whole person and has some soul searching and growing up to do.

Do you believe there is no choice in love? Or do you believe as I do, that love is a choice we make? Sometimes we choose well, and other times – not so much.

Hello My Name IS…

Hi my name is Hannah. I’m a 28 year old, single girl part of the late 20-somthings that have no idea where life is taking them. Every time I’m asked ” what do you do?” I feel like a deer in the headlights. I babble out something about being a freelance content writer and artist ( which I am), but still the question make me think “I HAVE NO IDEA what I do, a little bit of this, a little bit of that”. I have the questionable luck of being good at many things, but master of few. And even better, I’m great at managing money, but I still have not figured out how to make much.

Let me further introduce myself:

I live at home, work freelance, I am paying off a student loan ( for a degree in something I will never use. Yep, I was one of those stupid people), I love dogs ( but currently don’t have one which makes me sad), single ( I really do need to get a dog), slightly goofy ( or weird, we might as well not beat around the bush), a foodie ( I love cooking, and I’m good at it), slightly confused and confusing, a libertarian ( you live your life, I’ll live mine, and we be good), and lastly, but most importantly, the only thing that gets me through the rest of the crap…… I’m a Christian.

Let me make myself clear, all ages, beliefs, ethnicity, blaw, blaw, blaw, and blaw are welcome here. In fact, it’s ok if no one sees this blog because now that I thinking about it, it might be better if people don’t know what I’m really thinking. But alas, I need to vent somewhere, and a blog seems to be the best place to do it.

I will be writing on many topics here. Really, whatever catches my fancy. I will give my opinions, and please feel free to give yours. I’ll post videos from my YouTube account, and hopefully entertain you while simultaneously figuring out my own life. So, here’s to living life with full measure folks.

In conclusion, hi my name is Hannah Marie Smith, and I live in California. I am currently under construction. You are welcome to watch the building process ( or train wreck, whatever the case may be).

Cheers Folks!