It seems to be all the rage right now for single Christian women to blog an open letter to their future husband about why they choose to wait for them ( and by wait, Yep, I mean SEX – you thought I wouldn’t say it didn’t you?) . So in honor of the end of wedding season (Say Yes To The Dress marathons are in my future), and seeing as I am a 28 ( going on 102) year old who is….. yep, you guessed it – not married. I thought I would take a crack at it. I recently read an article from The Common Queen titled “I’m losing my patience while waiting for you“. It was a good article, and I get where she is coming from. The waiting game is not easy, but all signs point to incredibly worth it. So without further ado…
Dear Future Husband,
I am not the worlds standard of beauty, and at this point in my life I’m ok with that. I will never be perfect, blemish free, or a model. I run into doors, break my toes, scratch, cut, burn, and bruise myself – and that’s just from making dinner tonight. Sounds like a winner right!? I’m not perfect, and if I guess correctly you won’t be either ( and if you are perfect, I will make you prove you are not an alien by showing your belly button – you have been warned. But back to the letter). We will be two imperfect people who are better together than apart. God has been gracious and has shielded my heart from much of the ( self inflicted/other ) heartbreak that my friends encountered through years of dating. I am not the kind of girl who forms deep attachments quickly ( unless it’s a dog, then I love them immediately and without reservation).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cold. I’m friendly, outgoing, and a massive foodie. My family ( and backup army) means the world to me, and are second only to my relationship with Christ. I feel incredibly blessed to be an American, and in case you didn’t notice, I kind of like everything Disney.
At various moments in my life ( starting at about 20), God has stopped me in my tracks and called me to pray for you. At first it seemed strange, but life grew stranger. Eventually it was the norm, and a little comforting because I believe God would not command me to pray for a man who doesn’t exist.
I am not a terribly patient person. I have been known to skip to the end of books just to make sure it has a happy ending. But for you I wait. We will inevitably bump heads on many things in our married life. I don’t want a stumbling block to be my past relationships. This future union is far too important to me to ever risk it over impatience. I want to be your helpmate, love, and protect you, and in protecting my body and soul I not only protect myself, I’m protecting you.
I was raised in a legacy of love. My grandparents were married over 60 years, and my parents have been married well over 30 years. I would never risk the chance at 60 years for a moment of supposed pleasure, out of boredom, pressure, or fear of being alone. However, most importantly I wait because a long time ago I made a covenant with God to do so, and being obedient to Him is how I strive to live my life.
This will not be a foreign concept to you if you are seeking after Christ, and frankly that is the only kind of man who has a chance with me.
So I wait, out of obedience, faith, and love.
Everyone at some point is asked to sacrifice or do something hard. To me being a virgin is not hard ( ya, I don’t struggle with saying NO), and frankly I don’t understand Christians who justify sex outside of marriage. There are so many hard things in life. if you deem abstinence hard, wait till someone you love has cancer or you lose your job. Real love IS hard.
I do, however, struggle with my impatience to meet you, but I keep busy by growing and maturing as an adult. I practice my willingness to serve others, and self sacrificing ( which is not easy), so when I do meet you and we become one, this action of being a help mate is not a strange concept to me.
I am not saying I’m a perfect person – far far far from it ( you’ll find out someday).
I believe there is worth and reword in obeying God, but it is more than that, I abstain out of love for my savior.
So, in obedience to my God I wait for you.
The waiting game is not easy, and it is certainly strange to feel like you were meant for somebody you don’t even know. But the mysteries of this world are far beyond my understanding, and I have far too much to do to sit and ponder it for long. Here’s to our someday, I hope to meet you soon.
Your Future Wife
Well, that’s my letter. I know my someday is out there, and for most of you reading this yours is to. To all you ladies ( and gentlemen) in waiting, hang in there, you are not alone. Don’t rush it or try to push someone into a mold they do not fit in just so you can find “the one” faster. That never works out well.
PS. If I happened to date some of you men after this article, I am not the kind of girl who starts planning the monogrammed towels and wedding details after the first date. So, don’t freak out.
PPS. If you are the kind of man who starts planning the wedding after the first date – keep it to yourself. At least for the first six months, you’ve herd of those studies right? The ones that say the ” puppy love” stage ( or what I like to call the Double Dumb-Ass stage) lasts for at least six months then the real you shines through ( for better or worse). I am not saying don’t let your freak flag fly, I’m just saying don’t skip the getting-to-know-you part of dating.
Let me ask you ( not so) gentle readers, why did or didn’t you wait for your someday? If you didn’t wait, I have always wanted to ask if the thought of an STD ever freaked you out ( because it frankly grosses me out)? And if you are currently waiting, what makes you go against the sad cultural norm?